needs work

F e b r u a r y  0 5 , 2 0 1 9

A growing shadow
Comes out at night

Feel it rang
At the pit
Of my bell
ill it frail
Til it sang a slow
Lying cold

off

F e b r u a r y  0 5 , 2 0 1 9

It's very disheartening to know that I still haven't changed. Circumstances have. Situations have. But me? no. I still feel sad about the same things, angry about the same old stuff. It's getting kind of old. Why do I feel like I can't share them with people? It's not like I have to but.. Urgh. I'm even censoring myself on here. I guess it's just gonna be another one of those days, that I'll probably push to the backest back of my mind and let distractions take over until I forget what I was feeling.

my winding down

D e c e m b e r  2 3 , 2 0 1 8

Is there anything more relaxing than a late afternoon in spent cleaning and organizing? It's especially pleasant having the sun rays peeking through the stores as the sun begins to set down for the evening.

fear not father, it will all get better

F e b r u a r y  2 3 , 2 0 1 8

It's freezing rain outside. But I'm feeling all warm inside. The droplets feel cool and refreshing on my heated cheeks.

My dad just called me. He seemed to be feeling quite depressed these past months. He lost a lot of money, is in a lot of debt and has loads of bills to pay with money he doesn't have to support a family he doesn't seem to truly want. And while I am disappointed and angry at his ease into despair, I can only feel sorry for him.

It makes me really happy, when after all these years, what makes me most proud to be who I am, is how much I can be my dad's best friend. I can hear it in his voice, that he's feeling a little better. And I'm glad I could be there to listen and encourage him in any way he needs it. Because that's what he needs. Not remorse, or anger or resentfulness. I'm sure he's already feeling those enough for himself.

I just want him to be better, to be healthy and to know that everything can become better, if only for a little bit. A little bit at a time, can go a long way for a long time.

almost threw up

D e c e m b e r  2 8 , 2 0 1 7

Either tastes have seriously, and I mean SERIOUSLY gone downhill or there are just no more criteria for anything anymore! You can't seriously expect people to take what you wrote seriously?! It sounds like an 8 year old wrote it. and that would be insult to an 8 year old. Just because you broke your one sentence into 4 different lines does not make it poetry. oh boy oh boy. i'm not angry at this though. i just don't think it should be about supporting ABSOlutely everyone. if there's something u like. great. but don't go pretending it's the best thing in the world when you know it's crap. just admit that you like crap.

totally got the boots

J a n u a r y  0 2 , 2 0 1 7

Yohji Yamamoto Spring 2017

Go to Paris.

walking around the block doesn't help as i thought it would

D e c e m b e r  2 2 , 2 0 1 6

It doesn't matter. it doesn't matter how anyone makes you feel, it doesn't matter what anyone says. because you can't escape what you are. that's just it. it's inevitable. not because you know it's coming, but because it just is. it's always been true, it's always been that way. and it won't change. not today 

naught aghast

O c t o b e r  2 7 , 2 0 1 6

naught gained. a myriad of symphonies. treading laggardly behind. pushing nuns aside. public penitence for a dolly, a pop. and a wringing of the ears to wind them bearers up. it likens to sing. it's likened a lot. resemblance to paths before taken abrupt. wriggles assigned. chosen or dismissed. however dismantled, crevices unhinged. until luckless sire bends a will. a will and a flaunt. a manner of speaking. manageable, preponderant. to wash over craters. their waters a wheeling. bashful pertinence. backing, backing; blacking out.  

composite stench

O c t o b e r  0 3 , 2 0 1 6

The metro reeks of farts held in.
my head is starting to hurt again
this time it's forced, talkin'
brows furrowed like a raisin
i know exactly what is the reason
and i don't want it to stop
it's comforting knowing some things can bother me
again
and again and again and again

I've figured it out. It's mispensating.

J u l y  0 7 , 2 0 1 6

There's the rub. Words are most fun when they're made up. Because that is when they hold most truth. Mispensation for example. Magic tricks is all. Foolish most of all. Misconception then. And there. A lack. Not quite, not yet.
Deficiency. Depletion. Deficit.
Dearth.
Dearth!!!!!!!!!!